The Lede Balloon #31: Raccoon gets drunk at an ABC liquor store in Ashland, Virginia, and passes out in the bathroom. Animal Protection says the raccoon “ransacked” the store before passing out next to the toilet

(Content Alert: This section contains explicit humor and adult themes (e.g., crude jokes, innuendo). Suitable for 18+ only.)

Joke #1: The incident represents a new low for the racoon who usually just gets wasted and tries to fuck fat racoons.