Joke #1: Extraordinary new Jeffrey Epstein files from the Department of Justice allege that Bill Gates slept with Russian girls, got a sexually-transmitted disease, and asked for antibiotics to slip to his then-wife Melinda.
…One of the Russian girls allegedly involved said, quote: “He also premature ejaculated.”
Joke #2: The avowed humanitarian Epstein reportedly “scoffed” at Gates’s antibiotics request over deep concern for potential disruption to Melinda’s gut microbiome.
Joke #3: Incredibly, the emails also included a detailed account of Gates’s penis, which was described as pretty much like a normal penis except smaller and, “much more nerdy looking.”
Joke #4: Earlier in the same missive, Epstein said he had been ‘dismayed beyond comprehension’ by Gates’s decision to ‘disregard our friendship developed over the last 6 years.’ Epstein then reportedly asked Gates to return the half heart BFF necklace that he had given him for his birthday.
Joke #5: After the sordid news became known, Gates vowed to invest billions into experimental STD vaccines that he plans to force on newborn babies and married women whose husbands cheat on them with Russian girls.